Meet Layne

My newest nephew, Layney, affectionately christened by me as "Frog Legs." You're just meeting him now...he's already an old man but I make no apologies for my laziness. He's the sweetest, best baby ever. At least until the next one is born.

Love you, Layne.

Amazing Grace and the Mall Cop

Once upon a time there was a girl. She was kind, generous and loving. And uncommonly good-looking. To make it easier, (easier than calling her "Sarah: Short and Gorgeous") we'll just call her Sarah.

Sarah had a part-time job and a brand-new driver's license. She'd use any and every excuse to hit the open road, even when it included chauffeuring her younger sisters all around town.

Sarah loved to spend time with her sisters. They'd go to the mall together and get iced coffees from the Beanery (Sarah's treat, of course) and window shop and try on shoes and people watch and evade creepy guys. An all-around good time.

Sarah had a younger sister whom we'll call Patti.

One day after a nice, long mall excursion, Sarah and Patti found themselves at a stoplight next to a creepy guy. Creepy Guy revved his engine, drawing looks from both sisters. Sarah, never one to turn down a challenge, revved back. So what if she was in her parents mini-van? She would have this guy eating her dust in record time. Creepy guy grinned: challenge given, challenge accepted.

The light changed and Sarah floored it. The V6 roared, the van devoured the intersection and raced on towards victory. And yes, creepy guy was left behind to sit and cry. And gloat, as it turns out.

Cue the blue lights and siren. Cops! Sarah toyed with and rejected the idea of making a run for it. As much as she loved and trusted the minivan, she feared her parent's wrath more. She slowly pulled over. Creepy guy eased past, smirking. Curses!

Nervously awaiting the policeman and her fate, Sarah turned off the radio and readied her license and registration. Patti, ever a quick thinker, turned the radio back on and found a Christian music station playing hymns. What better time for Amazing Grace than now!

It seemed to take forever, but the policeman finally arrived at the window, face inscrutable behind his dark glasses.

"Ma'am, what was that?"

Sarah stammered something unintelligible.

In the passenger seat, Patti began to sing, putting on her best Southern hacking preacher voice. "Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already coooooome..."

Mall Cop, looking bewildered, now stares openly at Patti. Was she demented? In shock? What is going on?

Patti sang louder. "Tis grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me hoooooome."

Mall Cop is dumbstruck.

Patti gives the song all she's got. "The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secuuuuuuuures! He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures!!!"

Mall Cop walks away without another word. Halfway to his car he seems to remember himself and mumbles, "Slow it down, Ma'am." No ticket, no lecture, no threats or promises of justice.

Saved by Amazing Grace.

My new favorite song.

Left alone by the police but Patti still felt the need to share the story with their parents, who were not pleased. Not pleased at all.

The moral of the story: You can get away with anything if your little sister's a little loopy.

Twilight Overload

I finished the third book last night and sent my husband (recent survivor of phase one of a root canal, thanks for the prayers) out to purchase the fourth one at about 9:30. What, quit looking at me like that. He's perfectly fine! I don't feel the least bit guilty about him driving through freezing temperatures with a cold and wet driver's seat (from my earlier coffee dumping session) and looking at no less than five different stores for my coveted book. He didn't find it.

So I'm having some withdrawal symptoms, and I'm feeding my addiction by imagining who really should play Edward Cullen in the movie. I have no problem with Robert Pattinson, but he's Cedric Diggory, dangit! Yes, I am the world's biggest nerd. I'm okay with that. So my mom (who's also a nerd, sorry Mom) and I like to read books and then watch the movies and discover who the real perfect person for the lead role is. We're still working on The DaVinci Code. Tom Hanks. *shudder*

So here are my mind's other Edward Cullens. Tell me what you think.

1. Johnny Depp
I watched Cry-Baby last night and it was a little weird. Though I'm not sure if he could pull off 17 now, the younger Johnny Depp is a perfect match. Just look at those broody eyes...

2. Adam Brody
I don't know anything about this guy, but he does have a perfect face. Something kinda nonchalant and yet he really does care...

3. Tom Welling.
He's already a superhero, and his eyes are just about perfect.

4. Marlon Brando.
Now I'm entering the realms of Fairyland, but look at him! He's perfect! STELLA!!! It rhymes with BELLA!!!!!

Gosh, I'm really losing it.

5. James Dean. The hands down, no doubt about it, most perfect vampire of all time. He wouldn't even need makeup!

I'm really not obsessed. It just looks that way. Darn you, Patti!

Alert the Press!

I've discovered Twilight. That's right, folks, I am once again on the bandwagon. I haven't been this excited about a book since the Harry Potter series.

Sometimes I feel the need to do something just because people say I shouldn't or vice versa. Take, for example, my discovery of Harry Potter. It all happened long ago, in a faraway land called Kentucky. In a kingdom called Bible college. Where all the good boys and girls would never be caught dead reading a work of fiction. Let alone one about witches! Gasp!

I ordered the books by inter-library loan after hearing a pair of students talking about how horrible the books were. And they hadn't even read them. Of course, my interest was piqued.

"Horrible you say? Hmmmmmmm."

So when everyone and their granny is lining up to see Twilight and read the books and join the fan clubs and buy the posters, I was a little skeptical. I'd walk past the massive Twilight display and all the 12 year old girls ogling it and mutter about sheep and independence and elevated thought. Cue my dear and darling sister, Patti. While we were planning my visit to Michigan, she casually mentioned that we should go see the movie together. I thought eh, what the heck, how often do I get to see my sister? But first, she gives me the book to read. I devoured it, in one greedy gulp, staying up late into the wee hours of the morning. And folks, I am the type of gal that turns into a pumpkin at about 10 pm. This is a big deal for me. And the movie? It was great! I didn't have to cringe (from overdose of corniness) once!

If you haven't read it, (yeah right) then read it. If you haven't watched it, (even less likely) go watch it.

And Patti, we can't discuss the series yet. I'm waiting until I have enough time to give it the attention it deserves.

Til then, you may stare at this. But only til then.

Take Me Away, Officers

One of the very innocent-looking people in this picture is actually GUILTY of a terrible crime (that doesn't involve wearing over-sized sunglasses). No, it involves the breakage of bones.

Ok, it was me. Well, Becky was there, too, but she's innocent.

It all happened late one night about a week before I got married. Steve and I took some friends out to play Whirley Ball (which is like rugby/basketball in bumper cars) and after we were done we were just hanging out in the parking lot, laughing and talking. Becky and I were sitting in Steve's truck (a Sonoma, identical cousin to the S10) and I was about to drive us home when I noticed Steven's friend, Bogie, hanging off the tailgate.

His huge and goofy smile told me he wanted me to drive him around the parking lot a few times, and so I happily obliged. After I stopped, I looked into the rearview mirror and SAW NO BOGIE. I, therefore, pealed out of the parking lot like the devil himself was chasing me. Unfortunately even though no Bogie was spotted, a Bogie was still hanging on perilously low. Imagine my surprise when Becky squealed for me to "Stop, Bogie's dead!" I stopped, Bogie was not dead, but he did have a broken wrist which is how our Best Man ended up in a cast on my wedding day.

I'm guilty and I take full responsibility.

Next up: How NOT to start a conversation if you want someone to help you out. HINT: Avoid words like "look" and "listen" as sentence openers.

Nice things follow...

After reading Becky's post, Patti thought I wouldn't have anything nice to say about her. Ha! I have nice things to say about everyone! Grandma always said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Patti is the Middle Child. Growing up, we were very close. When we weren't clawing each others eyes out, we got along quite well.

Patti married Adrian and instantly became a mom to his little boy, Nick. She's the youngest and coolest stepmom I know. That boy loves her madly.

Later they had their son, Alex. Alex was born early and with lots of problems. Patti had a very difficult pregnancy with complications. I remember my mom calling me and asking me about some of the conditions the doctors mentioned and trying to calm our fears. My dad is quick to point out that both Patti and Alex are miracles. Alex was born with hydrocephalus and had brain surgery several times before he was six months old. He's spent more time in the hospital more than most adults have. And yet, he's one of the happiest kids I know. He's almost never without a smile on his face, and his laugh is just a beautiful sound. I know that this is due in large part to his mother, who loves him desperately and never ceases to let him know. Patti spent days upon days in the hospital with him and never complained.

Now Patti's working to help her husband finish his degree and realize his dream of becoming a teacher.

Once, when Steven was in Michigan and I was stuck in Kentucky, Patti and Becky drove down to pick me up on Christmas Eve. We had a bake-fest, and made cookies and soup for all the couples in our housing area. That's one of my favorite Christmas memories: us laughing and hauling steaming bowls of soup and piles of cookies through the snow.

She's selfless, sweet and loving. She's always the one to call or email me and tell me she misses me. She's a great cook and makes the best cheesy broccoli soup. How could I not have nice things to say about her?

Love you, Patti and Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great day!

Come on, Christmas!

My nephew (Alex, age 2) started Head Start a few weeks ago. His classroom has a camera where parents and other family members can watch the class while they play, eat snacks, and even take naps. I've been following it religiously since I discovered it. Today my sister told me to watch at around 3:00 while my dad came to pick him up. Imagine my surprise when not only my dad, but my mom, my sister, and two other nephews paraded in front of the camera, waving. I couldn't resist calling my dad so I could "see" him while talking to him. It was very sad to watch them walk away.

Hurry up, Christmas! Only 105 days left!